Sleep's "Not Fucking Cute" Big Crab Strict Deck

This is a Sleep-style, no questions asked, doesn't give a fuck about any of your shit, "Not Fucking Cute" Crab Deck.

Now, you may look at this deck and say... "But it doesn't do anything fancy..." or "Sleep... y u no use sensei?" or "Jesus fuck the average force in the dynasty when opposed is 5.14..."  or "How can I handle your girth Sleep?"

And to all of the above, I say, "Why are you playing Crab if you want a fancy, silly sensei using, low forced, tiny dicked excuse for a deck?".

So this is my "Don't be cute, just shut up and win" deck.  It will lose to control.  But fuck control.  Ain't noshits playing fucking dishonor, and you can just eat the losses to honor.  Cause you are a man.  And losses to honor taste like BACON, eat them you faggot!



# Pre-Game (2)

# Stronghold (2)
1 The Impregnable Fortress of the Crab (1)
1 The Impregnable Fortress of the Crab (2)  This bitch cannot get pregnant.  She impregnable.  That's how you know she a keeper.

# Dynasty (40)

# Events (1)
1 The Blessing  Only reason I'm going to church is to loot the collection plate.  Obamadontknowboutreligion.

# Holdings (18)
3 Merchant Atoll  What's bigger than 9?  10.
3 Shrine to Hachiman Get your Man Posse back on their feet after last nights bender.
3 Iron Mine  Cause Hida said so.
3 Famous Bazaar  Dicks Sporting Goods.
3 Defensive Memorial  What's bigger than 9? 11.
3 Akodo Dojo  Gotta feed your Man Posse.

# Personalities (21)  (None of them have honor requirements, and the average gold cost is 6.75... just under 7)
3 Hida Kurima 6 fucking force when opposed.  AND he fights twice.  Fighting twice is strong.  Now if only he'd stop hanging out with the Man Posse and put a shirt on or use a pocketknife.
3 Kuni Tomokazu 5 fucking force when opposed.  AND he's immune to fear.  AND he makes other actions shitty against him.  Protip: If you make more of your opponents actions shitty than he makes yours, you are probably a man.
3 Hida Zaiberu 5 fucking force when opposed.  AND he hands out -2f force because fuck you why not?  Kicked out of the Man Posse but who the fuck cares, throw a shirt on him and a Pocketknife or Toothpick in his hand and then stand on the table and take a shit on your opponents honor counter.  It's in the rules, you can do it.
3 Hida Ayahi 5 fucking force when opposed.  AND he might just kill two or three followers.  If he can muster a fuck.
3 Hida Saiyuki 5 fucking force when opposed.  AND he might drink some Relentless juice and get bigger.  But if not who fucking cares?  5f for 4g.  This kid is the 5 dollar footlong of L5R.
3 Minikui no Oni 5 fucking force always.  AND an action because fuck you.
3 Patairaku no Oni  5 fucking force always.  BUT don't you DARE use his ability.  1F followers?  Are you fucking kidding me?  I just puked in my mouth a little.  You don't need those little shits.

# Fate (40)

# Followers (6)  (The Man Posse)
3 Heavy Infantry 5 fucking force always.  AND he can be purchased out of your hand in the limited phase.  This personality is like reserve on crack.  I think there was a printing error though, cause he has a green back and no clan affiliation.
3 Spider Elite Sohei 4 fucking force always.  I know, he's a failure.  But late in the game, he mans the fuck up and vomits out two brothers and you get 12 force.  So he's secretly very manly.  Like a manly ninja.  MANJA.

# Items (7)  (Man Gear)
1 Ancestral Armor of the Crab Clan - exp Shirt.
3 Sohei's Ono Pocketknife.
3 Bo of Ritual Blessings Toothpick.

# Rings (3)  (Man Code)
1 Ring of Air Stand Up
1 Ring of Earth Stick Around
1 Ring of the Void Don't Give a fuck.  Real men run 39 card fate decks.

# Strategy (24)  (List of Grievances.  IE: Things you say "no" to)
3 Sanctioned Declaration COURAGE (Fuck your fear), say no to force neg, and sometimes fight twice.
3 Iron and Stone Say no to anything.
3 Fearless Devotion COURAGE (Fuck your fear), say no to bow.  Break the rules and choose not to gain the honor because you've seen the horrors of this world and you are a man with no honor.
2 A Stout Heart Okura can eat my dick.
2 The Turtle's Shell YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS A GAME?  Say no to melee and ranged.
2 Sudden Movement Bitch, my two units that I GUARANTEE are better than yours just straightened.  Semi-say "no" to send home and bow.
2 Back to the Front Much respect to Block Supply Lines.  Back to the Front is da real MVP.  Say no to send home.
3 Spirited Dispute If you had to throw out some man-gear or if your Man Posse is missing after that bar fight last night, you can go looking for them.  Oh yeah, and FUCK YOU Weakness Exposed/Come One at a Time.  Say no to duels.
2 Relentless Saiyuki's Juice.  Also say no to bow.
2 Victory Through Deference The literal definition of the title of this card is "I will win by not giving a Fuck".  Show him how little of a fuck you give.  Say no to anything printed.

And that's it.  She may not be the cutest, prettiest, or know any kinky tricks... but this phat impregnable momma will fuck you sideways.

i really like this deck its pretty much a "oh hi I'm big and here and I pretty much say eat a dick to anything you have" looks like you have no proactive battle actions. Have you playtested it yet?

I think he is hoping you will. And that you will not join the Spider Clan. Which you should. Chris Martin already has. And if you win that will affect your win  Spider Curroupted Crab!

before playing this deck                                                        


After